Apologies and Forgiveness

There come times in our lives when we are obligated to take ownership of our actions. Perhaps we were treated wrongly by someone or maybe there was a simple misunderstanding. Maybe a good intention got twisted; and creates a teachable moment for the next time around. (Queue up dramatic music and evil stares between the two classmates who showed up at prom wearing the same dress).

Sometimes, however, the consequences have a deeper meaning; like when we knowingly made a bad decision and then try covering it up or don’t talk about it because, hey, no one was there to see it. Still, our civilized society expects some form of remorse; we typically start with an apology.

Unfortunately, apologies that appear shallow or with bad timing will most likely fall on deaf ears and hardened hearts. And often, our human nature will blow things way out of proportion; like that ongoing dress incident which happened thirty years ago. Perhaps we need to let go of the non-essentials and the egos and apply our Christian worldview in a way that, as I heard a pastor speak on the subject one Sunday, “You aren’t accountable for someone else’s apology; you’re only accountable for your forgiveness.”

Forgiveness is part of the Bible stories we grew up with. Stories that resonate with faith, hope and love. Joseph forgave his brothers in Egypt for selling him into slavery; the father who forgave his rebellious, prodigal son; Stephen who was so full of the Holy Spirit that he prayed out loud for the forgiveness of his killers; God’s unconditional love for the forgiveness of every sinner. When we have a right heart in Christ the power of the Holy Spirit sets us apart from the crowd. It’s human nature to hold on to a memory of a person or event that did you wrong; that grudge wanting nothing to do with a spirit of forgiveness. Yet the ability to really forgive a wrong can never happen without a heart that reflects that faith. Divinely intertwined; faith, hope and love … “but the greatest of these is love.”

You know, with all the turmoil in the news and challenges to our core values, it’s easy to become discouraged about the daily grind; making it harder to love and forgive those who treat us as an adversary especially when we often feel we’re just trying to survive each day. We get so close to the fight that we lose sight of the bigger picture that our Creator is in control.

My dad died several months ago; at times, the emotions are still raw. The memorial though, was a celebration of a strong believer who lived his faith. We knew that in the moment he left us, he was finding a seat at the table with the saints, walking the streets of gold, shaking hands with Billy Graham and waving to Moses. Wow. But my heart is heavy with the cold hard truth that there are no do-overs, no second chance to apologize and ask his forgiveness. I carry with me that there were times I disrespected him by dismissing his opinion and his lack of enthusiasm to use any form of technology that would save time. And I was usually quick to point out when he was re-telling a story we’d heard many times from his Korean War days. What was I thinking…? The man earned a Purple Heart serving his country. As a fellow believer, I’m both saved and forgiven by my Heavenly Father; I don’t have to carry around guilt and shame. But as a son, I could have done better; I’m sorry dad, forgive me.

Sometimes, taking small steps and simply lowering those barriers that keep us from loving as we ought, will open us up to the forgiveness we didn’t think we’d find. Don’t wait until it’s too late.



“Three-minute exposure; a snapshot of life’s imperfect harmony,” by Stew McAuley.

Encouraging your Christian Worldview.