What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Ever acted on impulse because you wanted something and knew it was a bad decision?  We’re all needy in some way.  We long for approval, we desire affirmation, and we often aim to please others even at the expense of our values and beliefs.

It’s a constant struggle to make sure we’re living for an “audience of one” (God), rather than living to simply please those around us. Part of this is the natural struggle of being human and being created for relationships. We’re all needy in some way, because we’re ultimately in need of a Savior.

A Savior who can heal our wounds, speak value and worth into our lives, and fill us to overflowing with His love.  So what about physical attraction?  Can anyone really control the strong desires when the chemistry is just right?  And if the chemistry screams LOVE, will making that person your spouse bring lasting joy?  Well, here’s the good news; it can.  But you’ll need to remember, marriage can’t fill us to overflowing, only Jesus can.

I’m no therapist, have no impressive credentials nor have I written a book on the subject.  But a few things I’ve read about this make it clear that many people believe they have fallen in love, only to realize that their “love” is based on need—a need to be wanted, a need to be valued, a need to be affirmed, a need to be taken care of, to be nurtured, or to be kept safe.

 “Need love” drives you toward someone out of desperation, insecurities, and fear.  It fools an empty person into thinking that a sexual relationship can somehow fill them up.  But sadly, when fulfillment never comes, that desperate need causes them to feel more and more depleted, and alone. 

But studies support scripture in stating that when Jesus’ love fills you to the measure of all the fullness of God, your fullness begins to overflow in the lives of those around you.  There is no greater joy than giving and receiving love out of our overflow, rather than trying to give love out of our scarcity.

Far too many people get into marriage hoping it will complete them, only to be gravely disappointed in the end.  Because while marriage can certainly add so much to your life, it will never be able to fill you up. You can only feel as complete in marriage as you do while standing alone.

Come on, let’s get real; what’s the point in waiting for marriage if we seem to find the whole process frustrating and disappointing?                                   We wait because through the process of waiting, our relationship is built, our trust is strengthened, and our commitment to each other is tried, tested, and refined.  

We wait because through the process of waiting we learn discipline, self-control, loyalty, and reverence for the sacred. 

We wait because it’s an act of worship and obedience to a God who knows exactly how we’re wired, what we need, and what is best for our lives.  Our waiting is an act of trusting, and trusting God always leads us to greater things. 

We wait, not because of what it will do for us, but because of what it will do within us. Look, saving yourself for marriage doesn’t guarantee a magical sex life. Achieving a good sex life in marriage is as much a process of becoming a better person as it is about becoming a better lover.  And becoming a better person is always the best place to begin. 

“God paid a great price for you. So use your body to honor God.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭20‬ ‭CEV‬‬

“Three-minute exposure; a snapshot of life’s imperfect harmony,” by Stew McAuley.

Encouraging your Christian Worldview.